ilysm kiwu 💜💜💜💜 depression is a b word and I've seen it myself how it ate my mom's insides. It causes us to be deluded in doubt and confusion and hatred when we are so much more capable than we realize. You may not know how to swim but you sure as heck know how to strut your stuff at the runway.
I'm sorry if my motivational words harm more than help, this is the only way I know how to cheer people up since I didnt have anyone to help me either back then. I know words do little to ease the pain but I hope each comment I post here helps you find strength to keep going. I know it's different from having an actual someone hold your hand but it's better than to live your life alone.

Again, I love you so much kiwu, I hope you'll overcome depression or find a way to coexist with it.