Me and my identity. Static to me but confusing to others because I choose what and to who I want to reveal. But I think I like it that way, I don't owe anyone a full explanation of who I am or why I do things for myself.


I'd like to view myself as androgynous, in the way that I can fit in both 'standard' gender categories by how I present myself that day. I'm considered 'more masculine for a girl' and that works in my favor with fashion. Either way though I'm pretty and elegant. You'll never catch me at an important event without a full face, whether I'm in a handsome 3 piece or an evening gown. But makeup and elegance doesn't define my entirety. I don't need to wear makeup or dress well every time I'm around people. It might be appealing to, but it's exhausting. I'm pretty beyond the makeup and jewelry because they just enhance my already beautiful features. Dressing up polished is just a hobby I tend to really love.

I think I want to be admired as well. Not in an egotistical way, but just in a way that I want to be loved by my partner. I want to be called pretty. I think I'm really patient and nurturing when I commit to loving someone. And since I tend to overcompensate, I don't expect the level of care I hold myself to from someone else, but being loving and loyal towards me is plenty enough. I'm sweeter than I give myself credit for and I want to have somebody to appreciate that over some day.

I'm pretty pessimistic. Not by choice I don't think. If I could be, I'd be the most bubbly person ever. But I'm content with that side of me only coming out sometimes. My highs are high and my lows are low.

I pride myself in being a black woman, we all know that I'm sure. I don't think I have any super close online friends who are also black. That's isolating but it's not all bad I suppose. I'm still understood by my friends to some degree.

That's all worth sharing on a public level. Even so this is still me being vulnerable. I don't think many people will care enough to read so it is okay. Bye now.