I haven't posted on here in so long. A lot has happened since then. A lot regarding relationships. A lot regarding next steps.

I got a bf but we broke up in like 2 weeks lol. I thought that it would crush me but after the first day, I was completely fine and we're actually still friends but obviously not as close. And no, it was not my fault it never is babes. I also lost a lot of friends over dumb things, and I thought they were all so big in the moment and would crush me, but im fine now. They weren't close or longtime friends, but every single loss hurts. I think i seriously miss everyone i've ever encountered in my life, even if the encounters were unpleasant.

I graduated high school!!! And I'm still in college!!! Not in any classes right now thankfully, but hopefully I will by next year. I'm so proud of me and everyone else is too. I graduated with my cousins :) We went to dinner afterwards. It's been a month and we still haven't given each other gifts even tho I already have them, I just have yet to finish them. My mom insisted she throw me a grad party and it was very stressful cuz I didn't want one but it was still nice. I got me a BUNCH of grad money too!! Just yesterday an older couple from my childhood gave me a hunnid ^^ I need to hurry up and work on all my thank-you cards. Now it's time for employment. I've been applying to jobs and it's sucked cuz it's damn near impossible to get hired in this day and age, but I will keep persisting.

Remember in my jan entry when i said i cut my ex off? Well, i don't think i was direct enough. He would occasionally come back every few months to interact with me or just show up in my spaces, and it filled me with extreme fear and panic. Thankfully, this month i think i cut him off for good. I hate that it took me 7 months, but im glad i finally got it over with. I was pretty harsh in my final message to him which i felt bad over for days, but i did the best i could in that state, and im glad i sort of got to tell him how much he ruined my life, even though i can only fit a small fraction of those feelings into one paragraph. It took me until now to realize all those gross things he did to me was actually sexual harassment as well. That makes 3 cases for me from people I was close to(this is only counting the ones where i've came out about it, there's many more). I seriously think im just unlucky. I didn't ask to ruin 3 relationships that I thought I'd keep forever because i decided to stand up for myself. I always blame myself just for not staying quiet because i think about how it might affect them, but im learning to put myself first in situations like that. I still miss all 3 of those people. But unfortunately in life you can't keep everyone. He got all weird and victim-blamey which was my final straw. I dunno what was going through his mind as all this went down but unfortunately i do not care. I know what happened to me and im tired of sacrificing my mental health to spare his feelings. I'm very proud of myself.

I still have no therapist or psychiatrist. Our insurance keeps cutting us off from our medical provider, but i got so bad this summer that i was doing nothing but sleeping all day. I think i've lost a lot of weight because i haven't been eating well, which isn't like me at all. My mom finally intervened and went through another medical company and got me on meds!! I started them i think last week? Side effects are already getting to me. My appetite is completely gone, yesterday at the mall we went to the food court and i didn't get a single thing