now beyond the horizon
Apr. 6th, 2026 07:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.love4eva.net/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mome It's spring break🌺
Spring is my least favorite season. The pollen comes which gives me bad allergies, and so do the bugs.
Nothing much has happened as of late aside from me gaining and losing friends. It's really easy to read people, but hard to read people's intentions. I want a best friend so bad, 18 years and I'm still as lonely as I was when I was a kid. Loser behavior but I guess it's just who I'm destined to be.
I graduate high school next month. I can't believe I lived long enough to reach 18 and graduate. I'm not very excited though. It feels like my mom is more excited than me. There's so much extra stuff that we need to do and I'm already stressed.
Something never fails to happen during the winter that screws me over for next year and this time atleast it happened in January. All I want right now is desperately for this chapter to finally close. It feels like torture. But I have to be patient.
My relationship with my mom has been getting *slightly* better. I wanna keep it good for as long as I can. She said she wants to spend more time with me.
My grades are amazing this semester. I don't think I've dropped passed a B yet. I'm glad I kept them high for the first half of the semester so I don't have to try and salvage what I can at the end. My teachers are pretty nice.
I still haven't gotten around to getting any professional help. I think I'm still traumatized from my last therapist and psychiatrist. That and trump keeps changing things making it harder to get help. I don't know what insurance covers and I don't wanna cost my parents a bunch of money. I still need one tho. There was a small period where I wasn't actively suicidal, but it's back now.
I got to go to a kpop random dance at a festival and dance to itzy's "that's a nono" and that really made my weekend. I've never been to one and always wanted to go. I'm so happy that they are finally leaving the 3+ year hate train and getting the love they deserve. Twice will always be my number one and I love them but I LOVEEEE itzy, I have such a soft spot for them.
Spring is my least favorite season. The pollen comes which gives me bad allergies, and so do the bugs.
Nothing much has happened as of late aside from me gaining and losing friends. It's really easy to read people, but hard to read people's intentions. I want a best friend so bad, 18 years and I'm still as lonely as I was when I was a kid. Loser behavior but I guess it's just who I'm destined to be.
I graduate high school next month. I can't believe I lived long enough to reach 18 and graduate. I'm not very excited though. It feels like my mom is more excited than me. There's so much extra stuff that we need to do and I'm already stressed.
Something never fails to happen during the winter that screws me over for next year and this time atleast it happened in January. All I want right now is desperately for this chapter to finally close. It feels like torture. But I have to be patient.
My relationship with my mom has been getting *slightly* better. I wanna keep it good for as long as I can. She said she wants to spend more time with me.
My grades are amazing this semester. I don't think I've dropped passed a B yet. I'm glad I kept them high for the first half of the semester so I don't have to try and salvage what I can at the end. My teachers are pretty nice.
I still haven't gotten around to getting any professional help. I think I'm still traumatized from my last therapist and psychiatrist. That and trump keeps changing things making it harder to get help. I don't know what insurance covers and I don't wanna cost my parents a bunch of money. I still need one tho. There was a small period where I wasn't actively suicidal, but it's back now.
I got to go to a kpop random dance at a festival and dance to itzy's "that's a nono" and that really made my weekend. I've never been to one and always wanted to go. I'm so happy that they are finally leaving the 3+ year hate train and getting the love they deserve. Twice will always be my number one and I love them but I LOVEEEE itzy, I have such a soft spot for them.
no subject
Date: 2026-04-07 01:47 am (UTC)i can't believe you graduate next month, i've known you so long, i'm so proud <3 i know it doesn't seem like much but it is
congrats on the grades!!
i know it's hard to feel like your care is a burden, but your wellbeing is important, you are important, and so you shouldn't let that fear overcome the need/desire for professional help
I'M STILL SOOO PROUD OF YOU FOR THE RANDOM DANCE!!!!! you looked like you were having so much fun, it was cute af!!! and you danced so well!!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2026-04-07 02:16 am (UTC)